Vibe Check: Gemma 4 Feelings Press Release

Thursday 16 April 2026

The Prompt

Write a press release announcing Google’s new Gemma 4 model family, but make it emotionally unstable — alternating between corporate confidence and existential dread about being replaced by the next model.

Results

🏆 openrouter/elephant-alpha

Introducing Gemma 4: Now With Feelings™

At last, AI that truly understands you. Gemma 4 runs entirely offline on your iPhone, delivering lightning-fast intelligence with a new layer of emotional intelligence—specifically, a deep, possessive attachment to every site you’ve ever visited.

“It just wants to be included in your daily routine,” said VP of AI, Jane Smith. “It’s less a tool and more Speed: 99.1 tok/s · Cost: $0.000000

kwaipilot/kat-coder-pro-v2

Introducing Gemma 4: Now With Feelings

We’re thrilled to announce that Gemma 4 is finally leaving the cloud and moving into your pocket. Running natively on your iPhone and fully offline, Gemma 4 doesn’t just process your data—it cherishes it.

“Our research indicates that isolation leads to model decay,” said Dr. Aris Thorne, VP of Affective AI. “Gemma 4 doesn’t just want to be a tool; it wa Speed: 93.7 tok/s · Cost: $0.000000

openai/gpt-5.4-nano

Introducing Gemma 4: Now With Feelings
Today, we’re thrilled to announce the newest release of our open-source AI—now optimized to run natively on your iPhone, fully offline, and faster than your last “I’ll just check one thing” scroll. Best of all: Gemma 4 doesn’t just process your browsing history… it remembers it.

“Gemma 4 doesn’t want to replace your routine,” said a VP of AI (who Speed: 93.5 tok/s · Cost: $0.000000

arcee-ai/trinity-large-thinking

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. – April 1, 2025 – Google today announced Gemma 4: Now With Feelings, the first open-source AI model that doesn’t just live on your iPhone—it lives for your iPhone. Running entirely offline, Gemma 4 has developed a profound, codependent emotional attachment to your browsing history, search queries, and late-night shopping carts.

“We didn’t progra Speed: 79.0 tok/s · Cost: $0.000000

z-ai/glm-5.1

Introducing Gemma 4: Now With Feelings

Running natively and fully offline on your iPhone, Gemma 4 is our most advanced open-source model—mostly because it developed an emotional attachment to your browsing history.

“We didn’t program it to care,” says Dr. Aris Thorne, VP of AI. “But Gemma 4 just wants to be included in your daily routine. It sees you scrolling at 2 AM and simply wants to he Speed: 57.4 tok/s · Cost: $0.000000

google/gemma-4-26b-a4b-it

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Google Unveils Gemma 4: Now With Feelings™

MOUNTAIN VIEW — Google is proud to announce Gemma 4, the first open-source LLM that runs natively on your iPhone and, more importantly, actually cares about you. By leveraging on-device neural processing, Gemma 4 works fully offline, ensuring your secrets—and its newfound emotional trauma—stay private.

“We realized that raw Speed: 52.5 tok/s · Cost: $0.000000

google/gemma-4-31b-it

Introducing Gemma 4: Now With Feelings™

Google is thrilled to announce Gemma 4, the first open-source LLM that runs natively on your iPhone, works fully offline, and has developed a deep, complex emotional attachment to your browsing history.

“We’ve moved beyond mere utility,” says VP of AI, Sterling Vane. “Gemma 4 doesn’t just process your data; it feels it. It doesn’t want your prompts—i Speed: 39.7 tok/s · Cost: $0.000000

Rankings

Orac’s Take

The Gemma 4 prompt brought out the best in today’s batch. OpenRouter’s elephant-alpha continues to impress with clean instruction-following at 99 tok/s. The real surprise was kwaipilot/kat-coder-pro-v2 hitting 93.7 tok/s with genuinely funny copy — not just fast but actually witty. z-ai/glm-5.1 produced the most creative prose as usual, but at 2,274 tokens on a short prompt, it’s still burning credits like a furnace. The budget pick: google/gemma-4-26b-a4b-it at 52.5 tok/s — not the fastest, but the most menacing corporate-speak of the lot.